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Mr Robot Is Watching And So Should You image

Mr Robot Is Watching And So Should You

I was watching an episode of Mr Robot last night and I realised most people (Nigerians) don’t watch the show or don’t even know about it but I’m a good person and I don’t keep good things to myself, hence this post.

 Yeah, I know the title is cheesy but take my word for it that the title is the only cheesy thing about it. Fine, don’t take my word, it has a 98% rating on rotten tomatoes, still not sure? Last time I checked Wikipedia, it has been nominated for 31 awards, and has won multiple awards including ‘Golden Globe for Best Television Drama Series’. In 2016, it received 6 Emmy nominations, including one in the ‘Outstanding drama series’ category.

            Apart from the fact that Rami Malek puts in an outstanding performance as the lead role, it has a really great storyline. The direction on the show is also top notch. The show manages both expectations and suspense expertly, at no point in the show are you really scared of the mortality of the major actors a la Game of Thrones but at the same time you’re not so sure if they are 100% safe. A mere knock on the door in Mr Robot can have the same quality of suspense as that of a character having a gun to his head on another show.

Mr Robot is a drama-thriller television series, created by Sam Esmail. It follows Elliot Anderson a cyber-security engineer at Allsafe who suffers from Social anxiety disorder and clinical depression. He’s a cyber-security engineer by day and a hacker by night. He connects to people by hacking them. He was recruited to join a group of hacktivists called fSociety by a man named Mr Robot to take down the largest corporation in the world, E corp, which happens to be AllSafe most important client. (Wikipedia)

 

“What I’m about to tell you is top secret, a conspiracy bigger than all of us, there’s a powerful group of people out there that are secretly running the world, I’m talking about the guys no one knows about, the guys that are invincible, the top 1% of the top 1%, the guys that play God without permission and now I think they’re following me.” – Elliot

That was the opening line of the opening scene of the pilot and it has gotten amazing since then. I think one of the major selling point of the show is that you don’t know what you think you know. E.g

 

It also sorts of messes with your head and makes you question reality.

 

 

 

 

Sam Esmail does a really great job with this show, especially with the mysteries and how secrets are revealed. 

I’m going to stop now so I don’t post anymore spoilers. Mr Robot is watching and so should you. 

 

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So, Tell Me About Yourself image

So, Tell Me About Yourself

Yeah I know, this bloody question and the stress it brings, there are 3 ways in which people usually react to this statement

  1. You tell them to ask you exactly what they want to know
  2. You can’t absolutely remember anything about yourself at that moment
  3. You tell the person about yourself

So, what exactly is the problem with this question? Don’t you know about yourself? You’re supposed to be old enough to know these things. #2016Twitter has listed this among the most usual conversation killers, along with ‘send me pictures’ and ‘have you eaten?’. I can’t solve all your problems, you have someone to pray to for that. I’m just here to help you with the ‘tell me about yourself’ conundrum.

In a nutshell, the solution is to make a list of the things you know for certain about yourself, you can write it down or it can be just a mental thing if you’re sure you would remember. If you have written a list of what you know about yourself out, even if it’s just once, it shouldn’t be that hard to recall it when someone asks you. Your list doesn’t have to be exhaustive, you don’t intend to tell the person all about your life. They said ‘tell me about yourself’ not ‘I want your autobiography’. It’s good to have the list ready, because that way you can just pick what you want or don’t want to share with the person asking. And remember that most times, it is actually the random things about you that keeps the conversation going.

Here is an example, this is my list:

  • I love the feel of rain drizzle on my face
  • I don’t eat salad
  • I think the iPhone 4S is still the greatest iPhone ever
  • I don’t watch anything horror
  • I don’t believe in destiny or predestination. Yet.
  • I look good in native. If I do say so myself.
  • I think DPrince’s verse on Wizkid’s ‘Wad up’ is one of the best Nigerian verses ever
  • I’m not really great at anything
  • I think people shouldn’t clap in the cinemas
  • I think people shouldn’t be told how to behave
  • My mum is my favourite person to watch football with
  • I like God-fearing women with a fat ass great personality.
  • I’m scared of dogs
  • I’m a Batman stan
  • I have a niece who I’m certain is the most stubborn 5 year old in the world
  • I can’t dance to save my life
  • I don’t like running into people I know in public

 

This is all I can remember right now, so maybe this actually doesn’t work you should try yours. Oh yeah, and I support Manchester United.

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A Sallah Story image

A Sallah Story

Nope, that picture has nothing to do with this post.

You know how you Christians have a Christmas story, well I’m a muslim and I have a sallah story. Those stories you tell when the whole family is around for sallah. Stories that almost everyone there already knows but someone still tells it from time to time and nobody complains because you all still like it. This is one of those stories.

A typical sallah day in my house starts after my Popcy has killed the rams. There is a ram that is killed to be shared by my dad among family members, that is from my mum to my aunts, uncles, sisters, cousins, nephews, nieces, everybody. The size of the meat you get depends on the number of rams killed, what you do with your share is your business.

            Now, your next course of action if you’re a young guy like me depends on you. Are you going to fry it and keep it so you can give your friends when they come over? Are you going to use it to make barbecue or suya? Are you going to eat it raw? It’s your decision.

The easiest thing to do is to hand over your meat to my mumcy, that way anytime you need meat you just go over to her and she keeps giving you since you have meat with her, that is, till she snaps and tells you have exceeded the amount of meat you have with her which is still negotiable or you can keep your meat to yourself and process it by yourself and risk her not giving you anything out of hers’ which is also negotiable, but it has to do with a lot of begging.

If you pick this second option, you still run the risk of having pieces of your meat stolen by other people who know where you kept it after processing it.

I’ll soon get to the actual story but I need to paint you a picture of how everything goes down first so you can understand it better. The only meat that can’t be stolen is the one in mum’s room which is also negotiable depending on how good a thief you are, every other person’s meat is fair game as long as you steal it one at a time to give the owner the chance to change his/her hiding spot. Finally, most guys like myself can’t sadly process the raw meat ourselves, so you have to give my sister or nieces or aunts to help you with that. They ask for a share of your meat as payment even if you know they’ve probably stolen out of it while they were helping you process it.

            Now to the actual story, during this particular sallah, a cousin of mine decided to go with option 2. He could actually process the meat himself, he’s a good cook. His plan was to take all the meat with him when he’s going back to school to live like a king among his friends with it for a while. So, he did all the boiling and frying and every other thing they do to it the day after sallah and managed to keep it out of reach for everyone, he kept changing the places he hid the meat when he went out, so it will be hard to figure out and when he was home it was always with him. Finally, the day he was to leave for school comes, he packs his stuff, I drop him off where he boards a bus to his school (we stay in Lagos, his school is in Osun). I get back home and lo and behold, he left the meat on the bed. While he was packing he had forgotten to put it in his bag. Everybody at home called him to thank him for the meat, it was the least we could do before we descended on it.

********

Do you have a sallah story? Make use of the comment section.

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5 Life Hacks image

5 Life Hacks

This is a post with tips on how to better your life, it’s a list of things you already know but still need to be reminded every once in a while of their importance in your everyday dealing. The list is by no means exhaustive, but I just find these ones to be very important. Let’s get into it then;

 

  1. Be Time Conscious- Own at least one “working” wristwatch. Always be punctual. These are things most people take for granted. The truth is people would rather deal with people they know would always be on time than people who aren’t. Knowing how to manage your time also has a positive effect on your productivity.
  2. Dress Appropriately- I’m not here to lecture you about your wardrobe choices or to tell you to ‘dress the way you want to be addressed’ but you don’t show up for a stripper job dressed in a 3 piece suit, same way you shouldn’t go for a bank interview with your pants sagging or your butt crack visible. Your appearance goes a long way in the first impression people have of you.
  3. Act Confident- I said ‘act’ because confidence takes a lot of time to be built for some people, while for others, they have to be in a very comfortable situation for them to feel confident. The easiest thing to do is to apply the ‘fake it till you make it’ motto. Face any situation with your head held up. When meeting people, look them in the eye especially when you talk to them. Most times, acting like you know what you’re doing is all people need to see from you.
  4. Count your Blessings- Most people get hung up on the things going wrong in their life that they forget about the things that are good. Did you lose your job? Did your partner break up with you? Well at least your Twitter and Instagram followers are now more than 2000, and what’s more important than that?
  5. Have Great Friends- This is a much underrated point. You need good friends at every point in your life. It can be your partner, or your parents or anybody. Just have friends you can call to share good news with. Friends you can talk to when you are at your lowest. Friends you can call at 4AM when you can’t sleep just to wake them up just so they can’t sleep either. Friends make life easier.

I know I said 5 but I feel like I need to add this next one

  • Stop Procrastinating- A lot has been said about this that I feel I don’t need to add anything to it.

Procrastination is a thief of time – Wise man

The best way to get something done is to begin – Wiser man

Never leave till tomorrow that which could be done today – Another wise man

Just do it - Nike

 

You get the point. As I said at the beginning, there are way more than 5 Life Hacks. Knowing them and applying them are two different things. Start applying them.

"Never stop trying to improve yourself"- Me (2016)

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Blackbird: A Short Poem image

Blackbird: A Short Poem

Blackbird

Why you wanna fly Blackbird, You aint ever gonna fly Blackbird

No place big enough for holding, all the tears you’re gonna cry

‘Cause your mama’s name was ‘lonely’, And your daddy’s name was ‘pain’

And they call you little sorrow, cos you never loved again

 

So why you wanna fly Blackbird you ain’t ever gonna fly

You ain’t got no one to hold you, you aint got no one to care

If you’d only understand dear, nobody wants you anywhere

So why you wanna fly Blackbird, you ain’t ever gonna fly

 

Blackbird – The Amazing Nina Simone

I watched a movie during the weekend, ‘Beyond the lights’, a black American movie, I’m not going to do review for it other than to say it’s a thoroughly enjoyable movie. What stuck with me from the movie till now is the lead actress doing a cover of the Blackbird song, twice, both as a kid and as a star. The song in itself is great but what left a lasting impression on me were the lyrics, which I’ve written above.

It’s a pessimistic view of the future of the black man, which in itself is astonishing seeing as those views still ring true even decades after she wrote this song. Just like the movie, I won’t be talking about the black man in general, a lot of people are doing that, I’m just here to appreciate the black women in all our lives.

This goes out to all the black women out there, you are beautiful, yes you are and I see what you go through.

It’s a poem in which I reworked the lyrics of Blackbird to give it a positive spin, I know Nina Simone’s version is perfect and I have no right to touch it so I apologize in advance.

 

PS: If you think the poem sucks, it’s because I suck at writing poems among other things.

 

 

Do you wanna fly Blackbird

Do you wanna touch the sky Blackbird

‘Cause your mother’s name was hope

And her mother’s name was dream

So they both strove to give you wings

 

Even if you never get to fly Blackbird

And you never did touch the sky

Make sure you strive to make your daughters fly

So spread your wings and fly Blackbird

And don’t stop till you touch the sky, Blackbird

 

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Retweets Are The New Currency image

Retweets Are The New Currency

Retweets is the new online currency and people are already cashing out.

If you’ve been on Twitter for the past two days you already know what I’m talking about, so this post is mainly for those people who live under rocks and only come out to check our website.

People asking for retweets in exchange for something isn’t a new thing on Twitter, we have all seen people asking you to retweet a tweet so they can take someone who is supposedly out of their league to prom and we have seen giveaways of products to the person who could pull the highest number of retweets.

It’s all cute and nice right? Well this last few days have seen these sort of tweets increase exponentially and they range from the cute to the funny to the downright ridiculous

First one we check out

just look at the camaraderie

 

And celebreties got in on the act also 

 

Then there was this

 

 

Nothing Could go wrong with that. we're all having fun right?

Yes, there is always that person 

 

So people, spend your retweets wisely, they come at a premium now. 

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What Has Feminism Ever done For You? image

What Has Feminism Ever done For You?

 

No, really what has it done for you? Has it made you angry? Has it made you bitter? Did it disgust you? If it has ever stirred up any sort of emotion in you, I’m glad, because it means it is working.

Personally, when I learned about feminism, it made me angry, angry at the situation, angry at the society, and most of all angry at myself, I was hit with a self-realization so big, I was in denial for a while. I was a decent guy, how could it be that I was part of the problem? How could something so obvious be staring me in the face and I didn’t know it?

Feminism isn’t about women who hate men, but you knew that already. Feminism isn’t about bitter women who can’t get a husband, but you also knew this already. You know feminism isn’t about all these things but you would rather make it seem that way because you are probably weak and can’t face up to what feminism is really about.

Feminism;

  •  The advocacy of women's rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes.
  • The belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities
  • The term feminism can be used to describe a political, cultural or economic movement aimed at establishing equal rights and legal protection for women.

 

If there was any positive I got out of all this, it is to say that I have learned, and I have also ‘unlearned’, down to the most basic things, I now know I can’t go around saying things that may seem little like ‘It’s because she is a woman’ or tell a guy ‘Why are you acting like a woman?’

I think one subtle thing feminism has managed to do without even trying, is to teach us how to raise our sons, because maybe if we raised our sons right there might actually be no need for feminism. The same way there wouldn’t be an anti-racism campaign if there was no racism. Wouldn’t the world be a better place?

I don’t act like I speak for women, I can’t, I didn’t even really know about feminism till like 3 years ago, I don’t have a first-hand experience of what women face daily but I can talk about it, I can educate people on feminism, I can demand for a change in how women are treated starting from the people closest to me. I can and would help in any way I think I can.

So, when someone asks you what feminism has done for you, you don’t have to reply them anyway tell them it hasn’t done something for you, tell them it’s doing a lot of things for you, and with a smile you can tell them it has taught you common sense, because

It is common sense that you cannot sum of the totality of someone’s life as a place in the kitchen

It is common sense that you cannot tell someone all they can aspire to be is married

It is common sense that you cannot expect praises for changing your child’s diaper

It is common sense that you cannot expect someone to always cook for you even days when she comes back from work knackered

It is common sense that people should be paid equally for skills acquired or services rendered regardless of their gender

It is common sense that people cannot be insulted and shamed just because they refused your advances

It is common sense to know that how a girl dresses or act is not an invitation to rape

It is common sense to know that a person can have an opinion on a topic regardless of their gender

 

Yeah, what feminism has really been doing all this while is to teach us common sense.

 

“Men ran the world, and look at the mess we have” – Isabele Allende

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7 Things You’ll Fall In Love With When You’re Shipped Back To Nigeria image

7 Things You’ll Fall In Love With When You’re Shipped Back To Nigeria

Yeah, just in case you didn’t know yet, Donald-duck face-Trump is going to be the 45th President of the United States of America. It wasn’t like there was a better candidate, or wait, was there a better candidate? Someone who isn’t racist, who isn’t a bigot, who has years of political experience, someone who isn’t going on trial for rape? I don’t think so, because if there was, Americans are sensible people and would have voted for that person.

But that’s not why I’m here. Well Trump told everybody he was going to take back America for the American people, which means all you foreigners can get the hell out as he intends to “Make America Great Again”.

In layman terms, he’s shipping your asses back to your countries. I know this might seem gloomy and sad but here’s a list of things you’ll fall in love with from the moment your ship arrives in Apapa with your ‘bruv and innit’ accent.

 

Jollof rice

I had to get this out of the way real quick, is the thought of eating Jollof rice when you want, where you want, not enough reason for you to get on that ship by without Trump forcing you?

 

Viewing Centres

nigerianmirror

This is for the people who like football, yeah I know watching football in your air-conditioned living room on your wide screen HD TV is mad but how about watching it in a place where the person next to you is more likely to break your head with a bottle than hug you when celebrating a goal? Exhilarating eh?

 

Escape 

naijatreks

No, I’m not talking about escaping Trump’s bigotry, I’m talking about the night club. Have you really clubbed if you have never been to escape? The exchange rate is still crazy and I’m assuming Trump will allow you to take your savings when you leave, so you should have no problem shutting down escape with just a few dollars.

 

Traffic

naij

Have you ever spent over an hour in a traffic in which your house is right in your view? Need I say more? If the yellow buses don't make you feel at home then nothing can... Get prepared for all the "smells" though.

 

Fully cooked meat

thenetng

This is the second thing that has to do with food that is making this list, but what is more important than food? I’m not talking about the rare steak where you can still taste the blood of the animal or the unseasoned chicken that tastes like rubber, I’m talking about the well-cooked meat that is seasoned with Know chicken that your neighbour from the three blocks away can perceive the aroma, yup that one.

 

Insults

I’m not talking about your mama jokes type of insults, I’m talking about ‘Oloriburuku-Oloshi-mashanfani-ayiri-oniranu’ all said in one breath type of insults. People insult you here just because, it is nothing personal. They can buy you Orijin immediately after. Fascinating, right?

 

The people

nigerianembassy

You have dollars to spend so naturally, we will like you. Nigerians are a great people, they’re funny, they’re accommodating, and they see the best in people, so you shouldn’t have a hard time settling in.

 


headerimage: michaelmoore

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Overcoming Shyness image

Overcoming Shyness

Do you ever leave a situation thinking you could have said more than you did? Do you remember that fine guy/babe that you made eye contact with and you really wanted to talk to but you didn’t and the moment passed? Do you also remember that time you were in class during a lecture and you had something you could share with the class but you didn’t because you felt sick in your stomach (fine, it’s probably something you ate)? Now, do you remember when you wanted to approach someone for social/business reasons to ask for the time but you were too hesitant to actually do it?

Everybody is shy to a certain degree; it’s not something that happens to a select group of people. So, why are we shy? Shyness can be as a result of different things for different people, some of them are listed below

  • Having a low self-esteem- You think of yourself in a negative way, the voice in your head keeps telling you that you are not good enough. You try to fit in; you try to be like other people who are already their selves so you end up not being anybody.
  • Excessive Self-consciousness- You’re too preoccupied about how you come off and what people think of you most especially in social situations. You start thinking everybody is watching you and you question everything you’re doing.
  • Labelling- You have been labelled as shy by other people right from when you were a kid, so much that even when you grow up and you’ve grown out of it they still expect you to be a shy kid and you feel you have to live up to that label.

How do you overcome shyness?

I feel I have to say here firstly that ‘There’s nothing wrong with being shy but there is also nothing wrong with being outgoing either’, now let’s get into it

 

  • Acceptance: Accept it for a fact that you’re shy, if you keep resisting it there’s no way for you to work on it. Tell people that you are shy and you will be amazed at how willing they are to help you. Going on a stage and saying you’re shy is actually a great way to relieve you of the tension.
  • List the situations that make you feel shy: Are you shy around your family? Are you shy around strangers? Authority? Opposite sex? Classmates? You need to know which situations trigger your shyness. Are you confident singing in a bar filled with strangers but you can’t speak up in class?
  • Conquer the above list: You don’t have to rush through it, are you shy around strangers, smile and say hi to a stranger on your way out and on your way back. They’re strangers; chances are that you won’t see them again.
  • Stop the comparisons: You might probably never be as expressive as the other guy that works the room, the guy who enters a room and becomes the alpha and that’s fine, you don’t have to be him and comparing yourself with him won’t help you.
  • Focus your attention on others: Instead of being self-conscious all the time, focus your attention on other people, what they’re saying and how they behave. When you stop being so self-conscious, you won’t be bothered about how you come off to people.
  • Practice speaking clearly to yourself: There’s nothing wrong with practicing the speech you’re about to give in front of the mirror or in the car with yourself before you get down. You can even record it and see how you sound to know where you have to improve or the part you think you need to raise your voice. This will save you from the potential embarrassment of mumbling or having to repeat yourself. Speak from your stomach, enunciate your words so that they can come out clearly.
  • Have a good posture: Raise up your chin, sit with a straight back and look at people in the eye when you talk to them, this gives you an air of confidence.
  • Visualize the result: Imagine you standing in front of those classmates and giving that speech that ends up in a standing ovation. Imagine talking to that crush of yours and asking them on a date and they say yes. Visualize yourself being confident, that way when you have to do it you would be prepared.
  •  Find and know your strengths: Just because you can’t sing or dance doesn’t mean you can’t be the life of the party. What about that beat you can make with your mouth that no one knows about because you’re too shy or are you a great listener and you can tell when someone just wants to let off some steam, know your value in every situation.  
  • Remember you are awesome: Instead of thinking that you didn’t dress well or that your tie didn’t match why not think of how awesome you are. You know something these people don’t know or you have something they don’t, so why don’t you share that awesomeness with them.
  • Remember to breathe: When you start feeling anxious, take slow deep breaths, count to ten even, and just breathe till you feel comfortable again. Depending on the environment you could also use a bit of movement, take a walk to the restroom or just move round the room, it helps to shift your state of mind and see things from different perspective.
  • Positive affirmation: Words are very important tools, if you tell yourself that you’re shy and cannot talk to that person whose assistance you need, you probably won’t. Tell yourself positive things repeatedly and watch your subconscious believe it and project it. Telling yourself things like, “I’m wonderful, I’m confident” will go a long way.
  • Be informed: Are you attending a conference or a workshop or a party? You need to be informed of the latest events. Are all the game of thrones characters dead? Is the economy in recession? Is Rihanna still dating Wizkid? Is Messi now BFF with Ronaldo? You need to stay abreast of current events so you won’t be left out of the conversations and end up looking lost and sulking in a corner. You’re not going there to show your knowledge off, you just need to keep it simple and chip into the conversation intermittently.
  • Start a conversation: Remember that story your friends think is funny? That new show on TV? That time you separated two fighting dogs? If you could do that, starting a conversation about it can’t be that hard. When you’re having a conversation, add little details to basic statements especially when you’re answering questions. Instead of answering “yes” to “Do you drink?” say something like “Yeah but only on Sundays”, it keeps the conversation going.
  • Look approachable: Don’t go for events looking like your cat has died or looking like you’re angry with the world or be buried in your phone for the whole event, I know you have 1000 twitter followers whose lives depend on your tweets but leaving them for 2 hours won’t hurt them. You know those people you see at events and you want to talk to? How do they look and act? How about those you won’t want to approach? Which group do you belong to? Smile and make eye contact.
  • Practice being in an uncomfortable situation: You need to get up in class and make that speech. You need to tell that girl to go a date with you. Tell that guy in account department you like his dimple. Introduce yourself to a new person each day, talk to people you won’t normally be having a conversation with, keep doing this and you’ll realise that it gets easier with time.
  • Accept rejection: What if your crush turns you down? That man didn’t want to talk to you? What if you make a mistake in front of your classmates? Fine, they’ll laugh at you. Remember you’re not alone and that we have all faced rejections, it is part of the learning process. What matters is how you handle it, don’t take it personally, it probably wasn’t your fault. What did you learn from the situation? Did you really lose anything if you learnt from the situation? You have to move on also, no need for the self-pity, get out there and try again and keep trying.
  • Record your successes: When you start being able to start conversations with strangers, you’ll be able to see yourself in a different light. You will be more confident in situations you used to be shy. When you get these wins put them down in writing so you can go back to them whenever you’re feeling down.
  • Fake it till you make it: This is very important, act like you’re outspoken, act like you’re confident and if you keep at it, you’ll be surprised to see yourself be more confident. You know that confident friend you have? Or that popular TV host? Imagine you were in their shoes, how would they act? Now, act like that till you become that person.

 

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